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Conflicted Couple: How To Choose a House If Your Partner Has a Different Choice?

Conflicted Couple: How To Choose a House If Your Partner Has a Different Choice?

Tie—black or blue?

Food—Thai or Chinese?

Wine—red or white?

Holiday—beaching or hiking?

Kids—one or more?

Home—modern or classic?

Even the happiest married couples disagree on the simplest of things. From the color of a wall to food, wine, and the number of kids they want, each partner has their own opinions that they’re unwilling to change. And this is perfectly natural.

It’s a major misconception that happy couples don’t fight or argue; it’s practically impossible for couples to be on the same page all the time. And it’s even healthy for them to engage in polite disagreements when involved in a conflict. Conflicts help you get to know the other person better. There’s no way that even the longest standing relationships reveal everything about a person.

Why Differences Arise

People grow and change over time; it’s impossible to know a person at every point in time. What they liked two years back in a house won’t necessarily be something they want now. So if you were thinking about pointing fingers at your partner for not wanting a patio or backyard anymore, think again before picking a fight.

That being said, healthy or unhealthy, conflicts make it hard to reach a consensus. And when you’re out to buy a house, you can’t just wing it; you’re investing a lifetime of your savings into a real estate project, so you want to be sure you’re making the right choices for both of you. What you don’t want is the perfect house showing up on the market, but you missing out on that opportunity because of a stalemate with your partner. That’s a big loss!

You must clear out your conflicts now so settling on a house becomes easier. Here are some things to bear in mind.

Make Separates Lists of What You Want in a House

Fights between couples occur for various reasons, and differences in opinion are not all there is to them. Some people are unable to express themselves politely or coherently, and that leads to fights. The frustration that results from blabbering incomprehensibly breaks down the lines of communication and makes the situation confusing for the other person.

To add fuel to the fire, your partner might even become defensive about their weakness and refuse to admit that they’re wrong. In other cases, people are bad at taking criticism. They take it as an attack, and that ends up hurting one or both parties.

A better way to express your opinions without getting into a nasty argument is to pour your thoughts on paper first. Writing your thoughts helps you organize the mess in your head and communicate effectively.

The best way to go about the home buying process as a couple is to go about planning separately and then deciding where compromises need to be made.

  • Say Everything You Want (to Yourself)

This gives you the freedom and space to write down everything that comes to mind without rushing through your arguments. You can write about what you want in your new house, trends that you’ve liked, interior and exterior themes you want, accent colors, or anything that affects your property buying decision.

Once you’re done writing, read your points and see if they make sense, could be improved upon, or removed altogether. You can even number your points in order of preference. This helps you understand what you’re flexible about compromising on and what you don’t want to give up.

  • Negotiate, Don’t Command

The next step is to share it with your partner. The results might surprise you.

For instance, you may have described how you want to decorate the deck and why that’s necessary. In comparison, your partner may have calculated an estimated cost of adding a deck to the house later on and compared it to buying one with a deck already.

The approaches are different—one is aesthetic, and the other is financial—but they will converge at some point if you talk agreeably. Case in point: the couple wants a house with a deck.

Think Objectively, Not Emotionally

  • Why Emotions Wreck You

Marriages, or any relationships for that matter, are a rollercoaster ride. There are ups and downs, highs and lows that will rock the boat or even crash it sometimes. But it’s your perseverance and grit that’ll help your ship reach the shore. The worst blows, however, come from emotional outbursts during a crisis.

Shortage of money to pay the down payment or having a one-month notice to move out of a rental property are both examples of such crises. The objective should be to resolve the problem and move on. But couples often start panicking and channel their agitation in a rude tone or harsh words. This leads to more conflicts. What makes crises ugly is the hurt and pain they cause to the affected parties, i.e., you and your partner.

  • Why Objectivity Helps

To avoid all of this, you need to adopt an objective attitude for conflict resolution. First things first, get your facts right and list them down on paper or your phone. This will help you stay on track when things get worse, or when you’re running out of time.

Next, list down possible options. Is there a friend you can stay with IF you can’t find a house on time? Will your parents be willing to take you in? Are there other rental options available to move in to? Do you have the money to buy a house right away? (Most importantly) Have you consulted with a real estate agent?

This is the right time to approach Phillip Fehler, the most competent real estate broker and pride of Fathom Realty. He can handle all your property buying and selling concerns; all you need to do is approach him and set up a meeting.

Set a Timeline

Arguments can take up a good part of the day. Sometimes you don’t want to rest your case before proving your point or convincing the other person. And that can take a while!

The worst part about this is that you may miss out when the market is in your favor. When it comes to property buying or selling in the real estate market, timing is everything. Our real estate broker, Phillip Fehler, knows how crucial timing is to the entire process. A house could be in your budget one day and shoot up by several thousan

Once you’re done writing, read your points and see if they make sense, could be improved upon, or removed altogether. You can even number your points in order of preference. This helps you understand what you’re flexible about compromising on and what you don’t want to give up.

d the next. You want to call the shots when the time is right. That’s why setting up a timeline is imperative.

Discuss with your real estate agent, Phillip Fehler, and see what you need to do and when. He’ll help you get your documents and funds sorted. Meanwhile, he’ll shortlist appropriate property options that suit both you and your partner.

Phillip Fehler is a real estate broker at Fathom Realty. His experience in the real estate industry has granted him expert knowledge of the property market. He has offered his real estate brokerage services to many residential clients in Fayetteville and Fort Bragg in North Carolina.

His clients have always returned with positive reviews for his work ethic, commitment, knowledge, and service quality.

Call at (910) 381-1341 or email us at phillipsellsnc@gmail.com. We’re looking forward to helping you sell your house and make a big profit!


By |2020-12-28T13:47:33+00:00December 11th, 2020|Blog|0 Comments